Day 81: Awe-Full

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In awe of the multiple ways I lived in delusion, manipulating other people and the physical world in order to ‘get what I want’  within my DEMAND (demon) to exist as Energy; instead of being the Director of my Life, a Living Example of Responsibility, or a Walking variation of a Practical Solution within this World – I REVERTED to ‘singing’ the old standards: the blame, spite, judgment and excuse songs  – singing my heart out for Mind;  my best Audience.

I thought I had some level of Control and when I would see that I did not I would exist in energetic pity parties and watered-down dramas of woe and then love and light.

My first feelings of possessiveness and fear were towards my mother. I wanted her all to myself, and I wanted her to feel the same about me. The energetic habit within ‘fear of loss’ and ‘love of gain’ is said to be a physically programmed and transferred to the child in the womb. My mother was bothered by noise. Even eating an apple in her presence would annoy her. So, now, big surprise! Various ‘noises’ bother me. I’ve successfully reanimated my dead mother’s neuroses. Namaste!

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This entire subject of the downloading from parents into the child is a bit daunting and I have only scratched the surface today —  to be continued

I forgive myself that I did not see and realize that the Unconscious mind of my parents became the Subconscious and Unconscious-Mind framework that I have used to manifest my personality, behaviour and physical-patterns/habits.

I forgive myself that I did not see and realize that as a child I downloaded the subconscious and unconscious mind of my mother and the father and uploaded the subconscious and unconscious into and as my physical-bodies all the while believing  that my ‘job’ here was to demonstrate my singularity and my specialness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view sex as entertainment, not see and realizing that it is within and during sex that the Minds of the female and male are transfer/download into and as each-other and upload into their offspring.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see and realize that something was really WRONG within my first relationships with my parents wherein we would had an agreement of exchange within energy and we called it love and how I accepted this watered down version of Love and promoted and persisted within it, despite the overwhelming evidence that it was not supportive of all Life equally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see and realize that I have, throughout my life (existence…) used Love as a COVER for not taking responsibility for myself and the horror of this world; believing that LOVE could affect reality through merely BEING AN INTENTION and IN THE MIND.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see and realize that once I saw and realized what had become of my life and the world within LOVE and Compassion in the MIND, I did not alter myself or my actions; not until I lost LOVE….

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see and realize that it took extreme emotional upset for me to be open and willing to consider that everything we know is wrong within the conventional ideas of love and light.

I commit myself to show how and why I came to accept myself as the character I inherited and created; within a set of identities designed to ensure my security and prosperity within the current Money System and the World.

I commit myself to understand how it is that I squandered the time and opportunities available to me to throughout my life to be a living example of equality and oneness.

I commit myself to writing, self-forgiveness,self-honestly dissecting the process that created who I am and within this I commit to supporting others to do the same so that we may create the conditions here on earth for children to come so that they may have the opportunity to live life without the false identification within themselves with their minds.

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