Chip on Shoulder – Day 278

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I had a reaction within feeling under-appreciated at work. It’s happened before, and like before I generated an internal whining — pathetic really.. (and yup! there I am judging my reaction…) This most recent episode occurred when my dept. won a fairly prestigious design award and no memo went out, no email, no acknowledgement…
 
Memories
During my work life I have noticed that in the business world although the creative component is critical to the success of a product or service that the actual creative staff is not as valued as ‘important’ as  the strategists/number crunchers/MBA part of the company.  
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have internalized the opinions of others about the work I do so that I feel the need to prove myself as competent and worthy of their opinion.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want acknowledgement from the Big Boss that I do a good job and that my department does great work.

Thought Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought that the BB (Big Boss) is stupid for not acknowledging the creative contribution of my group.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into a polarity relationship with BB vacciliating between projections of inferiority and superiority.

Fear Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of being relegated to the ‘back burner’ and not included in strategic/creative decisions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of feeling marginalized and though I may say, “I don’t care” I have had feelings of being hurt within not feeling recognized for the creative contribution of the people I work with.

Feelings and Emotions Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to those in my work environment who are on the ‘business’ side within internalizing a feeling of marginalization as ‘creative’ being less than.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel anger for not getting enough recognition from the BB and from colleagues.

Back Chat Dimension
When I was just talking to BB I thought, “we live in two different worlds: you live in a this neighborhood, you’re telling me about your personal trainer and the 30″ inches of snow on your recent winter vacation in Vermont…do you have any idea how much I am making?”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into my ‘chip on shoulder’ character within feeling like I am not paid enough, valued enough and do not have the same perks as the elites and yet we both work the same amount and at the same place…
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous because BB is probably making three to four times what I am. 

Imagination Dimension
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project and fantasize that I should have the same income that BB has if I am subject to all the same restrictions and expectations within my working life.

Consequence Dimension
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place stress on my physical body within having an emotional reaction to being ignored, to feeling superior/inferior and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to once such thoughts come up, to not immediately stop them.

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