Like most of us, I wanted the characters inside my head to be noticed – I ‘worked’ the stage for them, creating the scenery, the music, with my upgraded script, ready for my close-up (see the movie Sunset Boulevard if you haven’t …great portrait of the consequences of staying in character a little too long….)
An early ‘character’ from my Pantheon is coming down the primrose lane as I write: look, it’s Little House on the Prarie Girl ( such Innocence: romping in fields, milking cows with her dog and a mother always ready to bake cookies) … but wait, now she’s morphing into Amish Girl (that happened after when I saw the bonnets they wear)
“each character must be faced specifically in detail as to how it play out with the specifc words used that is the symbol of the character so that one can also get the energetic charge that is giving it motion as emotion/feeling” Bernard Poolman
I’m going to come back to you, Amish/Pioneer girl; but for now I am walking with Sunette Spies, Day 50, but I see around the bend to all the little heads popping out that want to say, HELL-O, remember me?
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ignore and do nothing about what I knew as a child: that the world as it exists is a nightmare where the Physical Abundance and Support that LIfe Provides Unconditionally is sacrifice and desecrated in support of millions of Egos, all struggling for Supremacy within Fear of Loss, rooted in our acceptance of ourselves as servants to Energy, playing characters without consideration for those who are unable to navigate this world system of Money and within this I have, since the beginning of my ability to remember, rarely, if ever, considered that I may be responsible, in part or in whole, for their suffering and my willful insistence that I keep and maintain my comfort and safety regardless of the needs of others.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I have always had the opportunity to change my starting point throughout my existence within sex. I did not have to sacrifice the physical substance of this world and my body in exchange for an experience that was pre-programmed and did not support all life equally but was actually abusive and ruinous to this existence.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I did not require an entire Theater of the Absurd, ‘tricked out’ with supporting characters, scenery, lights, understudies etc. so that I could experience my Physical Body with another or just by myself.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I did not require Love to give “meaning” to my expression within sex and within this I see and realize the all the characters I have created throughout my life were created so that I could attract the “best mate” and within this I placed myself as Greater than the Physical; using the physical as a tool to guarantee me ‘safe passage’ and ‘stimulation’ with this World System.
I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness and self-correction to support and assist myself to prepare to stand as the living example that we do not require to exist within Energy, that we do not require to manipulate the Substance of Life within Self-Interest to support our Pre-Programmed Script of Phony Needs, Wants and Desires: that we can instead live in mutual support with Life.
I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness and self-correction to show that this Equalizing Ourselves as Life is a Process, requiring diligence and patience.