Untitled (Money Makes Money) – Barbara Kruger, 2001
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my relationship with money would be like J’s relationship to money: one of fear and insecurity and that if I did not take precaution and be vigilant that I would become preoccupied with getting and having money, ignoring the consequences to my body while lacking a practical, commonsensical approach such as creating a budget and the necessary steps required to achieve financial stability.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I would might have to rely on some external force or circumstance in order to have enough money to live the way I wanted and a fear compounded growing up hearing admonitions like “a massive depression could happen again.”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project lack of money with lack of freedom, then wanting to live as if money were not an issue; that such an attitude would resolve the issue and/or that money and the experiences it can provide would make up for any unhappiness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny my fear of not having enough money along with a belief that I was not adept at creating money and that I did not have the proper talent or preparation for creating money and instead of investigating how and why the money system works and how I might succeed at creating wealth, I passively accepted the idea that I was not ‘good’ at making and creating wealth.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my belief as young person that I did not ‘need’ money, that I was above money – superior to “just making money” and yet I wanted money and suppressed my overt desire, existing as two opposing thoughts/beliefs about money at the same time and not realizing it. (5)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny that I needed money and I did not take developing strategies for making money seriously within planning for my future, going into an energetic reaction of panic towards money within again, not taking a practical approach to understanding and developing a supportive relationship to, and with, money.
When and as I see myself become fearful about a potential lack of money in my future, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this area of my life – feeling secure – is a pattern/self-definition that has not been fully investigated and resolved. I commit to no more accept insecurity as normal and I begin now to investigate, more deeply, the nature of the pattern. .
When and as I see myself fear that I cannot, on my own, take care of myself financially, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have internalized my parent’s paranoia about money and that despite their wanting me to be safe and to warn me about what could or might happen, I internalized such warning as a threat of future insecurity. I commit to no more accept and allow this pattern to define my relationship to security and to claim my authority and stand and breathe whenever such insecurity comes up.
When and as I see myself project that money could solve insecurities I have, I stop and I breathe. I realize that within doing this I made money my God and as such gave money authority over me. I commit to take back my authority and no more allow emotions and feelings around the point of money to define me and when projections arise, I stop them and say out loud, “I do not accept this.”
When and as I see myself deny my fear that I was somehow not skilled at making money and creating security for myself, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I was able to avoid my fear of money because I had a family to fall back on and I always seemed able to get work and make money. I commit to no more suppress my fears around money and to no more avoid looking at new dimensions opening up in my relationship to money.
When and as I see myself justify my arrogance about money: that I was superior to money and therefore didn’t need to investigate my relationship to money, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I was gambling with my future within not taking my relationship to money seriously. I commit to stop this pattern and reapply myself to the study of my relationship to money and the nature of money as it works in the world, today. (5)
When and as I see myself deny the importance of money I stop and I breathe. I realize that my neglect as to the nature of my relationship to money caused panic, paranoia and slavery to money and an acceptance that it money is mine to hoard and have and not a gift to be shared or to ensure that it is equally distributed. I commit to no more allow paranoia and avoidance to define my relationship to money and to no more contribute such destructive emotions to the world.