Author Archives: JL

My eyes, my hands – Day 668

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Study of the body of a cat stretching out – Theophile Steinlen

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be present in each and every cell and as a result, I am not, actually,  the directive principle of my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take the time and effort to understand and identify in a more efficient or improved method way the hidden energies and hidden points of concern that control and influence my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel anxious, because I do not fully trust myself to decide what I need to do in order for my body to be optimally healthy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to give up trying to decide about this point on my own (what direction to take) as well as understand that what created my indecision is also contributing to my illness.

I commit to work with my physical body and to take full responsibility for any and all discomfort and pain and to continue to look self-honestly at the what, in my life, has contributed to the creations of pain.

I commit to become my own guide, here with my physical body and to pay attention with my eyes and feel with my hands – in other words, stay in this reality and trust my own abilities and rely on common sense when seeking advice from professionals.


I Respect you as Life- Day 667

 

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The Doom Fulfilled – Edward Burne-Jones

fulfillment
fulfilling
fulfill
In the past I equated fulfillment with happiness; finding one’s niche, or passion in life; having achieved one’s goal.

Dictionary:

[foo l-fil]
verb (used with object)
1.  to carry out, or bring to realization, as a prophecy or promise.
2.  to perform or do, as duty; obey or follow, as commands.
3. to satisfy (requirements, obligations, etc.): a book that fulfills a long-felt need.
4. to bring to an end; finish or complete, as a period of time: He felt that life was over when one had fulfilled his threescore years and ten.
5.t o develop the full potential of (usually used reflexively):
She realized that she could never fulfill herself in such work

Old English fullfyllan “fill up” (a room, a ship, etc.), “make full; take the place of (something),” from full (adj.), here perhaps with a sense of “completion” + fyllan (see fill (v.), which is ultimately from the same root). Used from mid-13c. in reference to prophecy (probably translating Latin implere, adimplere). From mid-13c. as “do, perform; carry out, consummate, carry into effect;” from c. 1300 as “complete, finish; satiate, satisfy, gratify.” Related: Fulfilled; fulfilling. Modern English combinations with full tend to have it at the end of the word (as -ful), but this is a recent development and in Old English it was more common at the start, but this word and fulsome appear to be the only survivors.

Sounding of word
faux filment
for fill meant
foe-fill-ment

Polarity:

Positive: A result that one wants; completion and/or satisfaction due to an accomplishment or achievement

Negative: Fulfilling a quota, not really caring about the individual, selling something

New Definition: Fulfillment is living in a balanced society where everyone is taken care of within a basic income and with this there will develop self responsibility and self respect because a basic income in itself is a statement by every human towards their fellow human

‘I Respect you as Life’

and that statement, that certainty that one is protected and supported will start changing human nature.


Opportunity – Day 666

 Screen Shot 2016-02-05 at 8.31.09 PMEli – Lucian Freud, 2002

Looking at the word: Opportunity

I always thought opportunities were plentiful in this world. I took this likelihood of opportunity for granted. I did not see and realize the extent of the lack of opportunity for so many in this world.

Dictionary Def
1. an appropriate or favorable time or occasion: Their meeting afforded an opportunity to exchange views.
2. a situation or condition favorable for attainment of a goal.
3. a good position, chance, or prospect, as for advancement or success.
n.
late 14c., from Old French opportunite (13c.) and directly from Latin opportunitatem (nominative opportunitas) “fitness, convenience, suitableness, favorable time,” from opportunus (see opportune ). Opportunity cost attested from 1911. Expression opportunity knocks but once (at any man’s door) attested from 1898.

[op-er-too-ni-tee, -tyoo-]

Sounding of the word:
opera-tune-ity (dramatic and bold)
operate-unity (working for the common good)
oper-to the ’t’ (what has come to pass is just what is needed)
open-unity (sharing new possibilities with others)

Negative: Opportunity can mean taking advantage of a situation for one’s own gain.
Positive: Opportunities can act as a new beginning, an opening, an advantage that can transform and improve lives.

Redefinition of Opportunity: Opportunity exists for each of us, in each breath and in every moment to change, to support life and to take the opportunity to do so in order to fulfill my/our highest potential.


Vulnerable – Day 665

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Frank Bowling, 2010

The word: vulnerable
I experience feeling vulnerable when I am caught off guard by a comment or intentional slight and I feel physically vulnerable in situations where I feel I am in danger or I cannot protect myself.

Full Definition of vulnerable
1 :  capable of being physically or emotionally wounded
2 :  open to attack or damage :  assailable <vulnerable to criticism>
3 :  liable to increased penalties but entitled to increased bonuses after winning a game in contract bridge
Late Latin vulnerabilis, from Latin vulnerare to wound, from vulner-, vulnus wound; probably akin to Latin vellere to pluck, Greek oulē wound

vul-ner-a-bil – the bill is like the cost
Vole-nerable — mouse like

In the past being vulnerable was more of a liability for me than a gift.
Being vulnerable implied I could get hurt because I am not able or prepared to deal with sarcasm and/or mean-spirited comments from (mostly) family members.

Redefinition of vulnerable: In being vulnerable I use the skills of empathy and sensitivity to anticipate and/or predict behaviors/events and to use this insight to support myself and others.


Neither more nor less – Day 664

Screen Shot 2016-01-21 at 5.32.43 PMNeither more nor less – Francisco Goya, 1799

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my enjoyment of money – that I could handle having money and enjoy the things that money could buy without becoming  attached.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I could derive enjoyment from money because money was an end in itself – a way to get and have happiness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge that I enjoyed myself more when I had money because money provided luxuries – like swimming pools, travel, cars and houses and it looked like fun and I judged the “fun” experience with having money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself that if I were not careful I could end up like J. and within this judgment I feared  not having money which lead me to not take certain risks, doing things or not doing certain things based on this fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear ‘ending up’ like J which caused me to have a flight or fight reaction within me, causing inner stress and strain on my physical as I created thoughts of worry and fear connected with imaginary scenarios that had no basis in reality.

When and as I see myself justify that having money could not corrupt me, I stop and I breathe. I realize this belief helped justify my desire for money, projecting that I would generous and therefore worthy of having a lot of money. I commit to apply myself to expose the nature of justification for the world system of money as it exists within myself and within the whole of humanity and to apply practical solutions for equal and one wealth creation.

When and as I see myself believe that having money would make me happy, I stop and I breathe. I realize that throughout my life I equated money with happiness: that money could buy happiness, that money would bring status, make my parents happy, and that money ‘makes the world go round’ and I incorporated these beliefs within and as me. I commit to slowly and surely examine and decouple myself from these beliefs within redefining my relationship to money to one that is practical and transformative within a stable and equitable version of money that supports life.

When and as I see myself judge that money was the essential ingredient to having fun, I stop and I breathe. I realize I wanted money so that I could buy the experiences I wanted to have but when I was around 13 I realized that money was actually at the root of the world’s problems and that economics were such that it would never be possible for the majority to have a decent life, much less fun. Unfortunately this realization was soon abandoned in favor of the pursuit of self-interest. I commit to honor the awareness I had as an adolescent and to pursue a realignment of my relationship with money that considers my happiness as well as everyone else’s, equally.

When and as I see myself judge that I need to limit myself because of a perceived inferiority to money, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I may have limited myself within not taking risks due to fear of being without money and how I still do not always know what is practical and what is supportive for me in terms of spending money, and/or working for money. I commit to take each instance of insecurity in relation to money and investigate my fears and projections before making any decision.

When and as I see myself fear that without enough money I would end up like J, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I it didn’t take much for my inherent fear of not having money to become activated within hearing and seeing my aunt express her fear and then watching her die alone and tortured. I commit to stop my imagination from running wild within creating imaginary cause and effects in relation to the power of money and to no more place myself as inferior to money but to slow down my flight or fight reaction to money and apply myself to approach money on equal and practical terms


Too good for money – Day 663

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Nicolas Roerich Star of the Hero, 1936

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I did not really need money and I did not really need a  plan within how I would get it and provide for myself because I didn’t want to focus on money and making money; I thought I was superior to that and money would somehow take care of itself and be there for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a justification that money was not important within a belief that being concerned about making money, or becoming preoccupied with money was materialistic and I saw myself as ‘spiritual’ rejecting the pursuit of money of ‘beneath’ me and as a ‘spiritual’ person transcending the need to create a sensible way/relationship to make money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that money was not important while at the same time wanting the benefit of a lifestyle where money was required, living a disconnect between my desires and my willingness to do what is required to secure my future.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge that money was not really important and that it would probably be there for me when and if I needed it and I took this passive position in relation to money without being practical.  I thought I would somehow be taken care of  – imagining that because of my nature, who I was, and my intention to live a ‘spiritually-based life’ that life itself would somehow reciprocate and provide me with what I needed to thrive.

When and as I see myself believe that I am superior to money, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I saw myself as special and not subject to the same rules and laws that negatively impact the majority of the world in relation to money. I commit to change my relationship to money from one of irresponsibility/wanting to avoid it to taking responsibility in my relation to money and to educate myself better on the actual workings of money in the world system.

When and as I see myself justify my avoidance of money and how it functions within my life and without in the world system, I stop and I breathe. I realize l sought superiority and transcendence through spirituality, the assumption being that there was no practical approach I could take that would be effective for me in relation to money. I commit to apply this realization of self-limitation and direct myself to create a new relationship with money, based on practical knowledge and information.

When and as I see myself believe that money is not important, I stop and I breathe. I realize I wanted money to not be important so that I could live my alternate reality within being unwilling to take responsibility for the world system of money and assist to change it. I commit to no more existing for my own ‘safe haven’ within the awareness that having money is the only thing that is keeping me from living a horrific life and to use this awareness to assist and support myself and to change our collective relationship to money.

When and as I see myself judge that money was not really important because my self-defined altruism would somehow protect me, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I based my assumptions on feelings: feeling superior, feeling spiritual and that protection in the world system would be automatic. I commit to continue my investigation with and as money and to no more fall into the trap of feelings.


Money issues – Day 662

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Untitled (Money Makes Money) – Barbara Kruger, 2001

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my relationship with money would be like J’s relationship to money: one of fear and insecurity and that if I did not take precaution and be vigilant that I would become preoccupied with getting and having money, ignoring the consequences to my body while lacking a practical, commonsensical approach such as creating a budget and the necessary steps required to achieve financial stability.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I would might have to rely on some external force or circumstance in order to have enough money to live the way I wanted and a fear compounded growing up hearing admonitions like “a massive depression could happen again.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project lack of money with lack of freedom, then wanting to live as if money were not an issue; that such an attitude would resolve the issue and/or that money and the experiences it can provide would make up for any unhappiness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny my fear of not having enough money along with a belief that I was not adept at creating money and that I did not have the proper talent or preparation for creating money and instead of investigating how and why the money system works and how I might succeed at creating wealth, I passively accepted the idea that I was not ‘good’ at making and creating wealth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my belief as young person that I did not ‘need’ money, that I was above money – superior to “just making money” and yet I wanted money and suppressed my overt desire, existing as two opposing thoughts/beliefs about money at the same time and not realizing it. (5)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny that I needed money and I did not take developing strategies for making money seriously within planning for my future, going into an energetic reaction of panic towards money within again, not taking a practical approach to understanding and developing a supportive relationship to, and with, money.

When and as I see myself become fearful about a potential lack of money in my future, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this area of my life – feeling secure – is a pattern/self-definition that has not been fully investigated and resolved. I commit to no more accept insecurity as normal and I begin now to investigate, more deeply, the nature of the pattern. .

When and as I see myself fear that I cannot, on my own, take care of myself financially, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have internalized my parent’s paranoia about money and that despite their wanting me to be safe and to warn me about what could or might happen, I internalized such warning as a threat of future insecurity. I commit to no more accept and allow this pattern to define my relationship to security and to claim my authority and stand and breathe whenever such insecurity comes up.

When and as I see myself project that money could solve insecurities I have, I stop and I breathe. I realize that within doing this I made money my God and as such gave money authority over me. I commit to take back my authority and no more allow emotions and feelings around the point of money to define me and when projections arise, I stop them and say out loud, “I do not accept this.”

When and as I see myself deny my fear that I was somehow not skilled at making money and creating security for myself, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I was able to avoid my fear of money because I had a family to fall back on and I always seemed able to get work and make money. I commit to no more suppress my fears around money and to no more avoid looking at new dimensions opening up in my relationship to money.

When and as I see myself justify my arrogance about money: that I was superior to money and therefore didn’t need to investigate my relationship to money, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I was gambling with my future within not taking my relationship to money seriously. I commit to stop this pattern and reapply myself to the study of my relationship to money and the nature of money as it works in the world, today. (5)

When and as I see myself deny the importance of money I stop and I breathe. I realize that my neglect as to the nature of my relationship to money caused panic, paranoia and slavery to money and an acceptance that it money is mine to hoard and have and not a gift to be shared or to ensure that it is equally distributed. I commit to no more allow paranoia and avoidance to define my relationship to money and to no more contribute such destructive emotions to the world.

 

 

 


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